IF BOXERS HAVE TO REGISTER THEIR HANDS, I’M IN TROUBLE

I remember hanging out with the guys in junior high, and everyone always talking about how boxers had to register their hands as weapons.

Turns out, that’s basically bullshit, which is probably good news for me, because if we ever start registering hands based on what they’ve been used for, my right hand is going to end up being registered.

Mike Tyson’s hands? Deadly weapons.

My right hand?

Sex offender registry, especially during those strange hitting puberty years when you find yourself sneaking around with your mom’s Glamour magazine or whatever you could get your paws on to feed the geese with.

Then I was able to graduate to Limewire and probably fried at least 2 family desktop computers. Ooops.

Kids today will never know what it was like to hunt and gather anything and everything you could use for the spank bank.

Then came the MilfHunter and all them other sites, including Captain Stabbin, where you could pay 3.99 for a 3-day trial, but it was virtually impossible to find where to cancel, so you ended up getting charged $39.99 72 hours later and virtually setting me up with horrible credit right off the starting line in my young adulthood.

Times were rough back then, but I wouldn’t change anything about it.