BOX UP THEM BONES COME NOVEMBER

I’m going to make this quick, simple, and use the least amount of brain cells possible to vent about something that has been bothering me the last couple of years around this time of year.

Here we go: I have an unpopular opinion… skeletons in the front yard should not be up at Christmas. I don’t care if you put a Santa hat on it. I don’t care if it’s “holding” a string of lights. It’s trashy AF.

If giant skeletons and all things scary are your thing, you’ve got a perfectly acceptable decorating window: late September through the first week of November. That’s when the cobwebs, fake tombstones, giant spiders, and yes, your six-foot plastic skeleton get their time to shine. Once the second week of November hits, it needs to go back in the garage, attic, shed, or wherever.

Instead, I’m seeing more and more houses where the skeleton never leaves. The thing is basically a year-round lawn roommate. It’s out there in July holding an American flag, and then suddenly it’s “spooky season” again, and by December it’s wearing a Santa hat like it’s normal for a yard to have a fucking 12-foot skeleton just chilling year-round.

When I see a front yard Christmas skeleton, I immediately picture the homeowners as the same people who wear Sponge Bob pajama pants to Circle K to get their menthol smokes, and their Facebook probably lists “The Krusty Krab” as their employer or “School of Hard Knocks” as their education.

And look, I’m not anti-decoration. I like festive streets. I want people to get into the spirit of things. I can even tolerate inflatables to a degree, right up until they’re the size of a small SUV and blocking half the yard. But the year-round, 12-foot skeletons? Those things are disrespectful to your neighbors. There’s a difference between fun and trashy.