BORN A BROWNS FAN - BUT NOT DYING WITH EVERY LOSS

I was born a Browns fan. It is literally on my birth certificate.

All through my mom’s pregnancy, I apparently kept my legs crossed, and the doctor told my parents that more than likely I was going to be a girl. I was all set to enter this world as Lisa.

To everyone’s surprise, I came out with a schmekel.

So now what to name me?

They settled on the name of the man who was quarterbacking the Cleveland Browns at that time: Brian Sipe.

Despite being a hardcore Browns fan and having my fair share of heartbreaks, I’m old enough to remember Ernest Byner’s fumble and “The Drive” by John Elway. I was probably too young for those losses to properly traumatize me, but a little later in life I got hit harder.

My then-biggest heartbreak came when the Browns released Bernie Kosar and he got picked up by Dallas. I legit sobbed in my room. A few years later, that pain got magnified when Art Modell moved the Browns to Baltimore. That one kind of felt like a death in the family.

The return of the Browns in 1999 kind of lined up with my adulthood. I was 18 when they came back. They sucked, and their losses ruined my week, even when they came in batches. That trend continued right up until about 13 years ago when I became a father.

Suddenly, there was more to life than sports.

I’m still a fan, but not a fanatic. I actually feel sorry when I see grown adults in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond dressing like pro wrestlers to go to a game. One guy even wears a fucking pumpkin on his head. Really? That’s the identity you’re rolling with as a full-grown adult?

There is more to life than sports. These guys are getting paid millions to play a kids’ game. Meanwhile, it’s crazy to me when I hear the same people who cry over every loss say they “don’t care about politics” and don’t vote. They live and die with a scoreboard but shrug at what’s happening in the country they’re raising kids in.

I refuse to be a booger-eating sports fan who puts a team ahead of his family.

Watching a game will never take precedence over spending time with my daughter, who is now 13. I can’t get these years back.

So today, I’ll more than likely have a chance to sit down and watch my Browns. It’s exciting with Shedeur Sanders getting his second start. Will I root for them? Yes. Will I yell at the TV a little? Probably.

But will it be the end of my world if they lose?

Absolutely not.