BRO, MAYBE LOWER THEM STANDARDS

I have an acquaintance who might be the biggest simp on the planet, and on top of that, he’s probably the most gullible person I’ve ever met and the biggest dreamer. He doesn’t drive, he’s not exactly playing with a full deck of teeth, and his personal hygiene is questionable, mostly due to his poor living arrangements. Yet he’s always showing me pictures of girls he’s talking to online who are in the 8.5–10 range, convinced one of them is going to pick him up from work, take him to a hotel for a sexual encounter, and somehow turn that into a true love story.

Then, of course, he gets angry when they message him saying they got a flat tire and need money sent to fix it before they can pick him up, which he has done multiple times.

I’ve gone over this with him whenever he cries about being lonely and not being able to find anyone. I try to explain, as nicely as possible, that he may need to lower his standards. The reality is, he brings zero to the table for the kind of woman he’s chasing. I’ve told him that even Olive Oyl from Popeye, who looks like a toothless meth head selling herself outside an inner-city Circle K for $20 and a Polar Pop, had two guys fighting over her, so anything is possible, Sometimes, though, you have to be real with yourself, stop simping over dimes, maybe even stop simping over nickels, and lower those standards all the way down to ground level.